Change What You Think About Change

Yesterday I spoke with a woman who, in an effort to get control of her health in her 50s, has decided to follow Joe's lead and juice for 60 days. In her first 30 days Gail has gone from weighing 265 lbs to 182 lbs. Wowza! She's feeling incredible, gaining more energy, sleeping better, moving more and even needs her eye glasses less every day as her vision keeps improving. And yet, whilst all these amazing things are happening and she's working very hard to do it, instead of applause, she receives complaints. Her husband is not pleased and some of her friends are upset with her. In the midst great bravery and change, Gail was feeling very much alone.

It doesn't make sense at first right? You're thinking, why on earth would they be upset when she's making positive changes?.. Am I right? Well, that's the thing about the human brain... Turns out, it doesn't accept or like change very much. Especially when that change involves someone close to us with whom we identify and whose identity gives us a frame of reference for what we perceive is real. Even positive changes can create fear while the brain adjusts to it.

It's not that her husband doesn't love her or her friends don't care, but on some level they don't know this seemingly "new" person and that scares them. Just like when someone we love physically dies, the stages of grief begin with denial. My experience has shown me that we don't actually need to physically die for there to be a similar kind of response from our loved ones when we change - especially when the changes we are making are by choice. 

Sometimes this can be as tough as making the changes themselves, so I think it helps to know that whilst this can be hard, it's normal, it's even okay and when you take the ego out of it you begin to experience one of the most beautiful aspects of change - the magical art of letting go...

When you're going through big changes in life not everyone around you is going to understand. And that's okay. Any change is hard for the human critter brain because it triggers a sense of risk and perceived loss of knowing. A knowing in the mind which is embodied as a sense of safety in the physical making it very hard for many of us to embrace change at first.

Anyone who's ever gone through a career change, has experienced divorce, financial upheaval or moved to a new city or country can relate to the unsettled feeling of big change. Often there is a sense of grief when our lives shift on such a monumental level. It's what the human body, mind and and spirit need to do in order to process and adjust to change.

Other times, like Gail going through big lifestyle change, there may be responses from those around us that are angry or upset. This may shock us, but deep down this reaction is stemming from a place of fear and mourning that is manifesting itself in a disconnect of understanding. If any of you have ever quit drinking you will also be able to relate to this as chances are good that there were friends who "grew apart" with you during this change. And what Gail and I discussed is that while some friends might return to her and some might not, either way, it's okay - it's “normal” - and, that ultimately if she is going to be healthy and alive long enough to be with her grandkids that she has to make the decision to change in the ways that honour her own path in life - not anyone else's. 

Yes, change is scary and hard sometimes and the number one reason most of us will never choose change is because we are worried about what others will think, but if you consider why you're here and whose path you're truly here to journey, the only opinion about how you choose to grow and evolve that should ever matter to you is your own. 

We are all giant balls of energy and ultimately, when we go through big shifts, how we vibrate and what we attract changes as much - or more - on an energetic level as it does on a physical level. Since we attract that which we emit, it makes sense that as what we emit changes, so would what we are attracting into our lives change as well.

Even though I am blessed with a wide circle of amazing friends, over the years, some have come, some have gone and some have come back again. And that's okay. Not everyone wants to join you on every ride. Not everyone wants to change and grow in the same way. Not everyone will be able to understand.

And...guess what?.. You guessed it. That's okay! You will never be able to control how other people think or react to you and your choices. You can only control how you will react to theirs. As you are the one choosing the change, this is your responsibility, which is your divine ability to consciously respond to life.

You may be thinking "easier said than done" and I get that. But know this, I've gone through a LOT of change in my life. It's as if the universe is constantly pushing me to grow and for that I am greatly blessed, but it is not an accident. On some level I have always asked for it and though I still have much to learn, I have cultivated a sense of appreciation for change. It has given me countless blessing and insights I know I couldn't have achieved without the “cosmic blender” effect of shaking things up once in a while. 

And while you may be thinking that it's easier for someone like me who seems to embrace change, the truth is, it's not. However, on some level I've learned to embrace the fear of the unknown to guide me toward growth rather than repel me from change. My spiritual practice is surrender. I have fully accepted that there are no guarantees in life except change. There are no relationships as long or as fulfilling in life as the one you have with yourself. You came with you and you will go with you no matter who else comes to join you before, during and after.

Recently I've found myself going through some rather large spiritual shifts and at times it definitely is unsettling. Whilst my entire approach to life is changing, it is only inevitable that my world around me changes in response. My body is changing. My lifestyle is changing and my thoughts and desires are changing. This isn't the first time I've gone through big shifts in my life so I'm not at all surprised by the confusion that sweeps over some people's faces when I share with them what I am doing. I get it. They're not inside my head thinking the thoughts I'm thinking and they're not inside my heart feeling the things I'm feeling. They're not in my dreams, connected to my dharma or responsible for me. But, they care… They also need time to process and I have nothing but respect for that because it's new and different and quite frankly, when it comes to new and different, the human brain needs a minute.

What is familiar feels safe. Just like the old saying goes, "better the devil you know that the devil you don't know" because you don't know if what is on the other side could be “worse”.... But the underlying premise beneath this way of thinking is that if you avoid making change, you'll never have to experience it and that, my lovelies, is simply not true. 

Change - even BIG change - will hit in life. It's simply a matter of when. Change is the only constant in life. Evolution is defined by change so by definition, either we grow or we atrophy. Whether the change you are experiencing is by choice or by some “cosmic slap”, you can start right now to accept the fear, take a step outside your comfort zone, reach for something different, seek your path and find that space of powerful transformation within and when that scares you, because it will, let the fear guide you.

Who knows… you could unlock hidden talents, discover new passions, feel better, grow stronger, shift your beliefs, receive greater vision, become healthier, know yourself better, but no matter what, you will grow and in that growth something new will be revealed to you and if you do end up "right back where you started", it will look and feel different. 

At the end of our conversation Gail thanked me and said I been a huge help. By continually affirming for her that everything that was happening was okay Gail was able to take control of her fear and worry about her change and how others were reacting to it. Because she knows she is listening to her heart and doing the right thing for herself, Gail was able to come to the conclusion that either her husband will get used to it and support her or he won't, but she said, "no matter what he chooses to do, I can't let that stop me from living the best version of myself". It was a strength, she told me, she didn't know she had...

TWO MINUTE MEDITATION FOR WHEN YOU FEAL FEAR, WORRY OR ANXIETY DURING TIMES OF CHANGE:

You can do this in your car, at a bus stop, in the morning, in the night, at your desk or sitting in meditation - the point is to do it whenever you feel that pit inside of your stomach we have all felt when dealing with change.

Put one hand on your heart and the other on your belly and feel your heart beating and your belly breathing. Feel your belly rise and fall...Feel your heart beat..

I Invite you to tell yourself:

"I am safe,
this is a body that will not let me down,
thank you for pumping blood and oxygen and nutrients throughout my body,
thank you for supporting me even when I forget to support you,
thank you for reminding me that the universe always has my back,
I am safe."

Every single day it breathes you and connects you to Source and you never have to stop and ask it for that - if that is possible, anything is possible.

You are safe. You are Divine and you are loved.